Too much busy-ness

This morning I sat here and cried a bit. A certain sadness has come over me lately, as far as my willingness to write and my availability to write. I feel sad that my eye is always on the clock. My mind is in a constant state of work. It's as if I have no down time to just live. It's as if my inner self, the part where all the writing use to come from, has shut down. My mind is too busy in other places. My phone is a non stop connection to work and I really need to just lay it down. As I sit here now the tears pour from eyes as I want to write again so badly but the words won't come. I use to write poetry ( I don't know how good it was but I wrote). It didn't matter how "good" it was, it was coming from inside me out on to the paper or to the keys on the keyboard to the screen in front of me. I am broken hearted that I cannot find, much less remember a poem I wrote to my son while he was at Parris Island. I wanted to keep that. I remember parts of it and beg God to let me remember all of it so that I can write it down again. My mind is TOO BUSY with work and I'm so tired of it! My job is not my life yet it seems that it is. If work was my life then I would choose for it to be writing. It just came to mind JUST NOW..Do all that you do as unto the Lord....Ah so now my mind starts to talk back..but Lord, I am so tired of writing about things people do on the job. See, my job is to report all the JUNK I see and hear on the job. I am sick of it. It wears me out physically and emotionally. I want to see the beauty of floating yellow butterflies again. The quiet beauty of snow falling. The trickle of water in a creek bed.

There was a little girl yesterday who was one of the few children that I see these days with bright, innocent eyes. The world hadn't gotten to her yet. She reached out and touched my hand and smiled. I took it in..the sweetness of her eyes, the softness of her sweet little hand touching mine. Her mother or grandmother was with her as I stood there and stroked her little hand and spoke to her. She spoke her child words to me and I'm not even sure what she said but I thought of the sweetness, the innocense in this hard core world. I said a prayer for her in my heart that she always be protected from the cruelty of this world. For those few moments my soul, my spirit was quiet.