breaking cycles of generations

I have wondered lately that when God is asked to break the chains and cycles of certain things in a family that He has to go through everyone..I remember in 07 asking for a cycle (that who knows how many generations it had been part of life) to be broken. It had to stop immediately. Well, this particular thing did stop within 1 months time (for me). I stood my ground when I was faced with it and when I was awakened at night. I claimed Jesus everytime and soon I was left alone for a while..still the enemy creeps in but he knows he has no power and I will NOT invite him. See, the enemy knows he has to be invited back so I just claim the power of Jesus and what he did on the cross and the victory that was won!
 Now there is another cycle that has to be broken and it is running its course but soon the chains will be gone and the cycle broken and we will all be free!! God is faithful and gracious and full of mercy and He's holy.
In the middle of all that's going on I find a peace and a joy in knowing that the cycles are being ended and the chains broken. Painful, yes, but the pain will some day be just battle scars...... :)

Peace in the valley

This week has been a tough one on the surface but underneath the surface of all the raging storms of life this week there has been a peaceful calm. It's been like living through some very dark areas but at the same time living above it all. Not like being on the outside looking in but being right in the middle yet above it. I think I have experienced a purpose driven life this week. So much has come crashing into my world. It has all taken me to my knees where I have been lifted up by One who hears the cries of one on their knees. There has been an unexplainable peace in the middle of turmoil. Through it all I've learned to depend upon God's word, His promises. I crave a heart of obedience..

Family time

What a wonderful weekend with my kids and grandkids! My son came home for possibly the last time before deployment. We had so much fun! It was a carefree weekend, no schedules to meet. We just did what we wanted to do. We went to Sarah's on Saturday and we laughed and cut up and played the Wii. It was all light hearted, nothing serious and it was our kind of foolishness. I took tons of pictures.

Today, however, my heart is overwhelmed. I know my son is leaving soon. My daughter has her own things she is dealing with. I thought that once your kids are grown that this pain for them and their situations would slack up but it doesn't. I think that a parent feels for their child more than the child feels for their self. You have lived most of what they go thru. I know I have not lived anything compared to what my son has been thru as far as seeing the things he's seen but I feel on a parental level what he feels...I feel on a parental level what my daughter feels and sometimes that is much deeper than what they feel.

The one thing that I have always stressed to my kids is that no matter what we go thru in this life it's the eternal life that matters. I have told them so many times that if I leave this life first I want to know that I will see them again. If they leave first I want to know that I will see them again. I know Jesus and that's always been my question to them...do you know that you know Jesus. That's all I care about! Everything else can be dealt with but our eternity is eternal..there's no going back.

Too much busy-ness

This morning I sat here and cried a bit. A certain sadness has come over me lately, as far as my willingness to write and my availability to write. I feel sad that my eye is always on the clock. My mind is in a constant state of work. It's as if I have no down time to just live. It's as if my inner self, the part where all the writing use to come from, has shut down. My mind is too busy in other places. My phone is a non stop connection to work and I really need to just lay it down. As I sit here now the tears pour from eyes as I want to write again so badly but the words won't come. I use to write poetry ( I don't know how good it was but I wrote). It didn't matter how "good" it was, it was coming from inside me out on to the paper or to the keys on the keyboard to the screen in front of me. I am broken hearted that I cannot find, much less remember a poem I wrote to my son while he was at Parris Island. I wanted to keep that. I remember parts of it and beg God to let me remember all of it so that I can write it down again. My mind is TOO BUSY with work and I'm so tired of it! My job is not my life yet it seems that it is. If work was my life then I would choose for it to be writing. It just came to mind JUST NOW..Do all that you do as unto the Lord....Ah so now my mind starts to talk back..but Lord, I am so tired of writing about things people do on the job. See, my job is to report all the JUNK I see and hear on the job. I am sick of it. It wears me out physically and emotionally. I want to see the beauty of floating yellow butterflies again. The quiet beauty of snow falling. The trickle of water in a creek bed.

There was a little girl yesterday who was one of the few children that I see these days with bright, innocent eyes. The world hadn't gotten to her yet. She reached out and touched my hand and smiled. I took it in..the sweetness of her eyes, the softness of her sweet little hand touching mine. Her mother or grandmother was with her as I stood there and stroked her little hand and spoke to her. She spoke her child words to me and I'm not even sure what she said but I thought of the sweetness, the innocense in this hard core world. I said a prayer for her in my heart that she always be protected from the cruelty of this world. For those few moments my soul, my spirit was quiet.

venting

Lately it feels like all I do is work..as if my life has become all about work. I don't want that. I don't want work to be the only on going thing in my life. I am grateful that in the times we are living in that I have a paying job but I just don't want it to be what my life is all about. I can be off 2 or 3 days and still the calls come in. It's like not even having a break. When I am not there I really don't care what goes on... I really don't!!
 There are things on my mind that I cannot talk about as it would compromise the safety of ones I love but these things are with me and are so much more important than this little snitch job. I'm frustrated because with the type of work I do one cannot be friends or even overly friendly with people in this work place. It does not bother me that I am talked about..it comes with the job. What does infuriate me is when people take my words and twist them to make a delicious poison and then they spew them as if I said it the way they are spewing it..that sends me into a stinging rage. I have no use for gossip!! I don't understand why people get so involved in gossip in the work place. You practically live with these people and still are trying to destroy them with words...I don't get it.
My JOB is to verify and report everything I see and hear and make judgment calls on certain situations and then leave it for the owner.

home made

So I'm thinking that home remedies are the way to go when it comes to a bothersome cough or cold. The worst that could happen really is that you get a little buzzed. I am terrible about not going to the dr but I just really don't like handing over money for them to tell me something I usually already know. I certainly don't care for the meds they prescribe so if my neighbor can make an awesome cough medicine I'll take it. If vicks vapor rub on the bottom of your feet then add socks works I will do it and I do do it every day 2x a day.


I wish I had learned how to can and make jams and jellies. I listened to an older woman this afternoon at work talking about greens. I did not know that greens are better after a frost but she said that they are more tender than those that are hot housed.  I don't know, I guess I'm just realizing that it would be good to know these things.

get cold already

Well, that cold blowing rain came yesterday! I absolutely love the sound of the wind howling and watching the last of the leaves swirling in the wind. I love cold weather and I have often thought that I should have been a northern girl. When I was a kid I would entertain thoughts of a log cabin in the wild in Alaska with no power and using a fire for warmth and cooking...okay but where did I get anything to cook..my mind didn't go there and well, I need power for my computer..not sure theres wifi out there in the wild. Anyway, I've always loved the cold and dreary days and if it snowed more here it would be perfect!!
I thought it was funny yesterday when Sarah text me with "Omg here's your cold blowing rain, love you" She knows her mamma!!
Anyway....